Serendipity and Learning

This is well known - the moment one talks about learning to say No - the most common road is 'assertiveness' skills. However, by and large assertiveness is not the issue. The issue is something else. The issue is that there is no greater yes that enables your no. The greater yes is the assertion that you need to say no, not the assertiveness as a skill. This was an old realization for me (nothing original - well researched, consultants know this, salespeople practice this and negotiators swear by it), but it came back while working on a short project. 

A few weeks ago, I got an innocuous request. Can you help a small team frame conversations with their stakeholders. I spoke with a couple of the stakeholders and heard them out in terms of the way the problem was framed. I was lost after the initial framing. This was a topic that they had dealt with in depth through two frameworks in 6 months and I was wondering how to take them through this. This was my uncertain territory where there is a search for a solution. I usually like this uncertainty because it results in some insight sooner or later. And sure enough thats what happened. I was able to break conversation skills into a few distinct parts, break it into what they are doing now (stakeholder inputs) and in doing so, what are they missing out on. The breaking in the parts was not a surprise for them or for me. The what they are doing now was also not a surprise. What was not obvious was the final framing of what are they really supposed to do (as opposed to what they are do

A few years back we were designing a learning program for a senior management team. And the partner I was working with came up with something - say, the SWOT analysis. And I said, well, that is too simple for a leadership team. They would have learnt in MBA, if not earlier. We need something complex was my reasoning. The partner did not agree - he gave a reasoned argument - which I was not fully convinced and I thought of fighting this battle some other day. But I saw this work in action - and the leaders struggled with the SWOT analysis - and the partner was able to pick it apart. They did not err in their SWOT - if thats what you think I am hinting at - but there were gaps in their framing, there were gaps in the way that they shared it with their team and so on. And the partner did not say anything - but I had learnt my lesson. When we go after explaining something complex - the audience is confused in the framing and will attribute gaps in the framing to the complexity of th

It is a pleasure to see a master at work. Years ago, I was in my coaching program and there was a master coach who was there to train us. I was the coach who was practicing. My 'client' came with an innocuous question - which I attempted to wrestle into a coaching style conversation. And in a few questions, I was lost. I had tied up myself in knots and raised my hands to ask the master coach to come in. The master coach started talking. She asked 2 questions and by the 4th question, my 'client' was in tears. I learnt Transactional Analysis with this master coach for 2 years and I saw her in action many a time during our sessions. Her ability to connect with people is just incredible. And some months later, I was in conversation with a senior executive with another person who I respect for such skills and as we walked outside, he was able to flip the conversation in a different frame  - only because he was alert to the possibility. As coaches, as learning profes

As a fan of Sherlock Holmes and its various interpretations over the years, it is fascinating to see the protagonist 'deduce' various things by looking at people, clues, crime scenes and so on. And while they are all in a sense, just well written stories, the fact of the matter is that Sherlock is a man of heightened sensitivities. He has hones this skill of his to perfection - perhaps magical levels. See this TED talk by Apollo Robbin s where he 'misdirects' - a story of heightened sensitivities. Or this classic TED talk by Keith Barry where he 'reads people'. What can a person with heightened sensitivities do? A conman can use it for evil purposes, a good person can use it for the common or individual good - we can all do it. And we do this in many of this do this in our own worlds as well. Salesmen hone their sensitivities. Coaches do the same. Detectives. Lawyers. All of us can do it - if we try. But we can do it.